


Fall

by wreckofherheart



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2018-02-03 22:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1758181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wreckofherheart/pseuds/wreckofherheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's only a matter of time until one's grief shreds them apart. Fortunately, Mikasa finds somebody she can lean on. [Mikasa/Annie]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fall

They have beaten her to the ground again, and again, and again. She has had her ribs broken, the bone in her arm snapped in two; she has suffered a sprain in her knee, and mild trauma to the head. What's terrifying is that she is still alive, and she is still walking. The recruits avoid her. A wise decision. Without meaning to, the girl has earned herself a frightful reputation. Rumours go around, suggesting she may not be human, but anyone with the slightest common sense would know she is, in fact, very human. Just determined. Passionate about what she does, and eager to be  _first_. It's a sad sight, but no one dares ask what happened to her, why she is the way she is.

Aside from Eren and Armin, only one other person doesn't seem to quiver in her presence. Most of the time, they don't acknowledge each other, until Eren starts to show a certain interest in her. Mikasa isn't the jealous type; she isn't afraid of loss, or so she thinks. She watches Eren as he begins to spend more time with the petite blonde, asking her questions about combat and how she learned it, and how long it took her to learn it. For some reason, his fascination in the girl irritates Mikasa immensely. What also pisses her off is the girl shows such a lack of interest in Eren, and Mikasa knows he's just going to get hurt if he keeps this up.

Once, when she catches the girl on her own, Mikasa confronts her. Her protective urgencies kick in, and she's close to threatening the girl to leave Eren alone. She expects her to instantly back down, like everyone else does, but instead she looks her right in the eye and snorts, and Mikasa isn't sure if she's either amused or impatient. Possibly both. Either way, she doesn't appreciate the girl's attitude. 'He told me about you,' she says, 'He also told me you'd approach me eventually.' She holds Mikasa's gaze for a moment longer, then brushes past. 'You can be assured I don't mean any  _harm_  to him.'

'It's not him who's going to get hurt.' The words slip from her lips before she can stop them, but she doesn't take her warning back. She doesn't regret it; she's  _prodding_  at this girl, suddenly desperate for some sort of satisfying reaction, but she's so disinterested, so bored, Mikasa is surprised she doesn't  _yawn_  at the situation she's in.

She stops walking away and turns to face her again. 'What are you implying?'

'You  _know_  what I'm implying.'

There's a pause, a beat, and then the girl straightens. 'Okay. Show me.' Mikasa frowns at her. 'Put your words into action and I might just believe you.'

She isn't afraid, she isn't excited, but she isn't bored anymore. Mikasa has no desire to turn down the offer; she's much too proud. This girl is an idiot, she's too confident, and Mikasa is willing to crush that self esteem of hers. Mikasa's eyes glide up her form, and she speedily plans ahead, where she's going to hit her, what moves she expects her to make and how she'll dodge them. Mikasa is fast, a blur when she dashes forwards, ready to send her foot into the girl's side, and when she's only an inch apart, she lifts and bends her leg, swerving––

––but she is  _much_  faster.

Before Mikasa realises, the girl has moved out of the way and swirled behind her, and the shock from the kick to the head causes Mikasa to stumble forwards slightly. However, she uses this to her advantage. For a moment, she lets her guard down, just to trick the other girl she's open. Even though she can't see her move, she can hear her; she's light on her feet, delicate, but, unlike Mikasa, she is not graceful. She's not elegant, she's rough and fierce. It's an ironic contrast to her emotionless expressions.

Mikasa catches her by surprise, fending off her fist, and slamming her foot into her solar plexus. She's tough, hard, because she barely buckles, already prepared for more. They lose track of time. Suddenly this isn't a warning anymore, this is a competition, and Mikasa  _has_  to win. They secretly agree that the first person to hit the ground loses, and neither one of them intends to let that happen. Mikasa will fight her all day if she has to; she is not going to fall. However, the other girl's stamina is higher than Mikasa's, she's had more training, she's been doing this before she enrolled as a recruit, so Mikasa is at a disadvantage.

When nearly two hours has passed, she's exhausted, and there's a horrible pain swelling from her abdomen, travelling up and down her spine. She realises its a rib; the girl broke it again, and if Mikasa isn't careful, she'll end up with internal bleeding. Mikasa foolishly refuses to forfeit, and registers the move which is coming next. She braces herself, and knows which part of the girl shall be open and easy to hit, but when she gets closer, Mikasa realises she is wrong –– the girl doesn't kick her.

She  _lunges_. She's small, but she's able to push Mikasa to the ground, roll her onto her back and dig her knee into the lower part of her spine. Mikasa hisses. This isn't helping the broken rib at all. The girl pulls at her arm, and Mikasa can feel her breath at her ear when she says, 'Not bad, Ackerman. For a newbie.' As soon as the girl gets off her, Mikasa shoots to her feet, and is ready for more, until she feels blood oozing through her uniform. That triggers the pain, and she nearly expresses her agony, but Mikasa has suffered worse.

'I wasn't lying,' she warns, voice low.

The girl cocks her chin. 'No, you weren't.' She glances at Mikasa's bloody shirt. 'You might want to get that checked.'

However Mikasa doesn't move a muscle until the blonde is out of sight. When she reaches the medical unit and has the nurse sort out her wounds, Mikasa has to admit Eren has good reason to want to be trained from that girl. She was able to perform moves Mikasa hasn't seen before, and she can keep it up for a long time. At least Mikasa could tell she was fairly exhausted by the end, and she knew she had caused damage to the girl's leg as well; in fact, she was certain she heard a  _pop_  when she bent her right arm back a bit too far. But what stuck out was the  _rush_ , the thrill; Mikasa hadn't been faced with a combat partner with such skill in her life; it was pleasing, it was  _satisfying_  to finally find someone at her own level.

She makes sure that their fight before isn't going to be the last.

* * *

And it isn't. From that point on, Mikasa searches for her when she has to find a combat partner, and receives the same enthusiasm; the girl even suggests they practise after training. Her name is Annie, and Mikasa can't help but think her name childish, a little  _too_  sweet for someone so violent. Sometimes, Mikasa tackles her to the ground and wins, but it takes a lot of energy, a lot of stamina, and a lot of will. Most days, they're sweating by the end, blood dripping from their nose or lip, and it damages their pride to admit they should give it a rest.

Mikasa isn't sure if she considers Annie a friend. She still finds something  _odd_  about her, something unusual, and she's suspicious of her, and still feels a pang of anger rush through her whenever Eren hangs around the girl. Mikasa doesn't like her, but she respects her. She respects her a great deal, and knows Annie feels mutual. They're happy to smash each other's jaws, yet still possess enough respect for each other to ask if the other is all right, if they need a break (granted, a little mockingly).

When things get tiring, they crumble into a wrestling fight, rolling in the dirt. It takes a hard punch to the face to get Annie off her, but she nearly grins, wiping the blood from her lip with her sleeve. Even though she shouldn't, Mikasa finds Annie's behaviour alluring. She can tell Annie has been in fights her whole life, probably with men twice the size of her: her nose has been broken more than once, and she barely flinches when Mikasa whacks her across the face, she's so accustomed to it. That sort of cool demeanour is admirable, if not disturbing too. She wants to know who Annie is, where she came from,  _why_  her father taught her such wild moves.

It becomes apparent that Annie wonders the same about her as well. 'So, where are you from, then?' Mikasa watches her; she's in a vest top, and the muscles in her arms flex a little when she reaches for her water bottle. Her pale skin looks smooth to touch, soft.

Mikasa flicks her gaze away when Annie spots her staring. 'From the Shiganshina District,' she replies bluntly, sipping some water of her own.

'I meant before Eren took you in as his foster sister.'

Mikasa looks at her sharply, but Annie is unnerved. She doesn't ask how she knows this. Eren probably let it slip. 'Why?'

She shrugs, and grabs her hoody. 'Curious.' After pulling the material on, Annie snatches her water bottle and steps past her. 'It's just obvious to me you have a reason to hide your past.'

Mikasa doesn't respond, she doesn't want to. She lets Annie go, then she smiles shortly, 'And you don't hide yours?' She doesn't expect a reply. Annie is silent, but her silence is enough to convince Mikasa she's not the only one with heavy secrets weighing her down.

That is the last time they spar until after the Battle for Trost. After that, after nearly losing Eren, after holding him close and bursting into tears, Mikasa's body is screaming, her mind is begging and her heart is so sore. She needs to take a break, to slow down. She has pushed herself too much, obsessed in being first, in proving her worth, and showing her rival she is better. Mikasa is crushed back into reality, she is reminded why she is here –– for Eren. And she nearly lost him, and that feeling, that  _dread_ , hovers over her like a looming, dark shadow.

She doesn't sleep. She can't eat properly.

It occurs to her how vulnerable she truly is, how needy she can be, she isn't who she thought she was. Losing Eren had shattered her, the world around her seemed to narrow. Suddenly, there was no longer a point to living. It's a shock, it shocks her how her body just gave in like that. How easily broken she can be, and it's frightening. It's so  _fucking scary_  that Mikasa can  _shatter_. It doesn't occur to Eren she's not okay; he's trapped in his own difficulties and pursuits, and she's so hidden about everything; he can't be blamed for not noticing.

Annie hasn't asked her to spar. If anyone has spotted something is off, it's her. Once, when everyone is in the mess hall, Annie passes her table, catches her eye, and Mikasa identifies a hint of concern, curiosity, interest. When Annie is out of sight, she looks down at her food, fiddles with it, before shoving her bowl aside and leaving. Armin asks where she's going, but Mikasa doesn't respond. Her feet are moving, heading in a direction she isn't so sure of, until she reaches the female barracks.

It's only seven in the evening, but Mikasa collapses as soon as she reaches her bed. And even though she's exhausted, so exhausted, her eyes refuse to shut, she can't rest. Her mind is spinning. By the time the other five girls head to bed and the night turns into dawn, Mikasa is still awake. She hasn't even changed. She stares at the darkness, and she dreads, fears, and she's damaged. The future doesn't look promising. It looks ugly, haunting, and she can't remember how Eren used to make her feel, she can't remember how he pushed her back into a good spirit, smiled at her, and told her he's here.

This war has distanced them a little, and it hurts.

Mikasa sits upright. She stares ahead, and her thoughts wander to Annie. She remembers how the girl looked at her when in passing, those bright, startling blue eyes, how they took her in completely. Those eyes only focussed on her in that moment, just her. In that moment, all Annie saw was Mikasa, all Annie noticed was Mikasa and all she cared about, in that moment, was Mikasa.

Then she's on her feet and approaching Annie's barracks. When she reaches it, all the girls are fast asleep. It's dark, but she knows the bed where Annie sleeps; she's been in here before. Mikasa doesn't shake her awake, she doesn't warn her she's here, she just climbs onto the bed and crawls on top of her, before lying her head on Annie's chest. She can feel and hear her heartbeat, it's a regular rhythm, and soothing. Mikasa closes her eyes, and is still. It takes a few seconds, then Annie stirs, her arms wrapping around her. No one speaks. They're silent. Mikasa lets Annie hold her, and she doesn't want her to let go.

For the first time in days, Mikasa starts to feel drowsy, she's able to close her eyes. Annie's touch feels good, it's comforting and reassuring, and she's nicer to lie on than the bed. About half an hour passes, and Mikasa knows Annie is still awake. She crawls a little further up, and now that her eyes are adjusted to the dark, she's able to distinguish a few of Annie's features. Annie's watching her, frowning lightly. Mikasa shuffles a little closer, she wants Annie's arms around her again; that was nice, that was  _nice_.

'I thought I lost him,' Mikasa whispers. '... I thought I was alone.'

Her confession is a relief; Mikasa has finally revealed what has kept her down, what has scarred her forever. She doesn't quite understand why she tells Annie this, but she trusts her. Right now, she trusts Annie with her entire being, and is able to tell her anything. But Annie doesn't need to know anything; she knows enough. Annie sighs. 'You're not alone,' she exhales.

Neither are sure who kisses who first. It's slow, hesitant at first. They aren't sure what they're doing, and it seems so out of the blue, but  _right_. It may not be entirely honest, but they need it, the affection, the comfort, the closeness. Right now, they need that. They need to heal. Their bodies are bleeding and bruised, their bones are broken, and they are so young and  _shattered_. They have been pushed to the edge; it's time to  _stop_.

They continue to kiss while Annie removes the red scarf from Mikasa's neck, and carefully unbuttons her shirt, letting it fall from her shoulders; the freedom, and the cool air that tingles her bare back makes Mikasa inhale sharply between her teeth. Her hands are moving before she realises. They stop kissing so Mikasa can pull Annie's top off, and Mikasa tumbles back a little when Annie straddles her lap, kissing her again. It remains gentle, soft –– they aren't fighting anymore. Whatever this is, it's a warm, welcoming retreat. Overdue.

Mikasa's fatigue kicks in. She falls back, lets Annie take the lead –– she forfeits, but Annie isn't smug, victorious or anything of the sort. She's  _understanding_ , and she's  _willing_ , and she is  _good_  to her. It's enough to make Mikasa realise Annie has been through what she has, they are similar, they have seen things they should not have seen. That comfort eases her aching her head. They kiss a little while longer, quiet, and always gentle. Without any communication, Annie pulls away, and rolls off Mikasa to lean on her side. Mikasa doesn't hesitate to turn and face her, and they hold each other close. Sleep takes Mikasa away effortlessly.

The following morning, Mikasa leaves early, before anyone else is awake. It's a struggle to move out of Annie's warm, inviting embrace, but Mikasa has to force herself. She takes her shirt and scarf with her. Now, the world doesn't appear so narrow anymore, and she isn't as distracted. What's more, she isn't scared –– that fear has disappeared completely. It's gone, as if Annie managed to wash it all away. Cure and fix the damage with just a few kisses. Later, Sitting down beside Eren in the mess hall, he glances at her and smiles, asks if she's all right.

Mikasa nods, and the topic on her health is closed, but it feels good to not lie; to not pretend everything is okay. While Eren starts talking to Armin beside him, Mikasa lifts her gaze and automatically knows where Annie is sitting. She's quiet, Reiner and Berthold chatting on the same table. Annie catches her looking, and they just hold their gaze on each other for a second longer, before turning away.

No discussion is needed. They don't have to talk about last night; as far as they are concerned, it never happened.


End file.
